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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

THE COMPLETE SARDARJI ENCYCLOPEDIA



A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He
asks the clerk,
"What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, That is a
thermos flask."
The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk
responds, "It keeps
>hot
things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardar says,
"I'll take
>it!
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His
Sardar boss
>sees
him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He
said, "It's a
thermos
flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies,
"It keeps hot
things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what
do you have
>in
it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a Coke."

*********************
Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home
somewhere in
Punjab,
but two days later disconnected it because he was getting
complaints like
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"

********************
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will
compare it
>with
the original for spelling
mistakes !!

*********************
What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white
sheet of paper ?
>he
already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a
photcopy of the white
paper
*******************
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were
planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh..we'll get
>Punjab
from India but how would we develop it?" That was a
difficult question
indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll
attack USA, it
would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and
we'll
automatically get developed." All the surds became happy at
this very
simple
solution but an old surd did not utter a
single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The
surd replied, OH!
THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE
TAKE OVER USA ?????"
***********









Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a
bargain. I would like
to
buy this small TV, he told the salesman. Sorry, we don't
sell to
>SARDARs,"
he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed
his hair
>style,
and returned to tell the salesman I would like to buy this
TV."
Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. Damn,
he recognized
me,"
he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time,
haircut and new
>hair
color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days
before he again
approached the salesman. I would like to buy this TV.
Sorry, we don't
>sell
to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do
you know I'm a
Sardar?
Because that's a microwave, he replied.
**********************
Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
**********************
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at
you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
**********************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
**********************
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
**********************
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
*********************
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
**********************
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
**********************
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
* **********************
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
**********************
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
**********************
What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
**********************
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
**********************
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
**********************
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
**********************
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
* **********************









How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
*********************
Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
**********************
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
**********************
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
**********************
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a
day for 300
days,
he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji
called the
>doctor
to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the
problem?" asked the doctor. I'm 2400 kms from home."
*******************
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh
>asks
the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" No, answers
the Railway
man.

Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
**********************
A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks
him "Kyon
Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to
hai" Sardarji
replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata "
**********************
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks
and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him
and asks "kyon
bhai
ye sab
kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late
aati hai kahin
bhook se na marjaun"
**********************
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy
so he gave the
guy
sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up
when the
>station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20
Rupees, the
Sardarji
deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
the barber
quietly
shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was woken
>up,
and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face,
and suddenly
screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the
matter?"
Replied
he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken
up someone
else"










Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees
and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, Your donkey is
missing; what
are
you thanking God for. The Sardarji replied "I am thanking
Him for seeing
to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would
>have
been missing too."
**********************
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate
>Mother:
Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese. "How come you write
"Chinese" when both
parents are Sikh? Aah, I read a newspaper, it says that
every 4th person
born on the Earth now is a Chinese.
**********************
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the
outer space.
The ground control issues commands "Rubi!"Woof!" (it's the
barking sound)
Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti! "Woof!" "Press
the white
button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking,
feed the dogs
>and
don't touch
anything!"
**********************
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a
Clock Tower
when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says
"Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a
ladder." The man took
the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
hours the
>Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to
buy the clock.
Give me a thousand
rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him
the thousand and
says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a
ladder."
**********************
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
managed to get into
>a
double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a
bottom seat, But
unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when
the rush was
over,
Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta
in a bad
condition clutching the seats in front with both hands,
scared to death.
>He
says, "Arre Banta Singh What the heck's goin' on? Why are
you so scared ?
>I
was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replies.
"Yeah, but you've
got
a driver.
**********************
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him
>what
had happened to his ears and he answered, I was ironing a
shirt and the
phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up
the iron and stuck it to my ear. Oh Dear! " the doctor
exclaimed in
disbelief. But what happened to your other ear?" "The
scoundrel called
back.

**********************
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He
lands there on
time.
He is immediately hauled inside in front of the
interviewing officer.
Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his
certificates and then
starts asking him questions. Following is the transcript :
Mr. Santa
>Singh,
after seeing your
qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you
only some simple
questions.If you can answer those then you are selected.
First we will
start
with some opposites S : Yes Sir. Officer started asking
questions O :
>Above
S : Below O : Front S : Back Left S : Right Male Female
Ugly (means Next
>in
Punjabi) S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi) O :
Ugly...U-G-L-Y(
Officer
spells it) : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also
spells it) O :
U.....G.....L ....... Y.....(Officer shouts) S : P ..... I
..... C ......
>H
........ H ...... ;L Y...... Our Sardar also shouts)
Officer is now
>angry.
O : Get out S : Come in. O : Quiet please. S : Talk please.
O : You are
rejected. S : I am selected and This is how Santa Singh got
his job.







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Quiz..



Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

There's no trick or surprise.
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one
at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've
done each of them ... really.



Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss
something).





Think of a number from 1 to 10







Multiply that number by 9






If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together






Now subtract 5






Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the
number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c! ,etc.)







Think of a country that starts with that letter






Remember the last letter of the name of that country








Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter









Remember the last letter in the name of that animal








Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter









Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?





I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of
the population whose minds are different enough to
think of something else. 98% of people will answer with
kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.



Freaky, huh?



Keep this message going. This one is actually worth sending
on to others. Forward it to people you know so they can find
out if they are usual or unusual.






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see what ricky pontings inbox looks like....hehehe‏









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Monday, March 30, 2009

How to say (I Love You) in 101 Languages !!!



English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita,iniirog kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I
Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe


Send this page to 10 people if you want your love to say "I love you" to
you in a year.

Send this page to 20 people if you want your love to say "I love you" to
you in a month.

Send this page to 30 people if you want your love to say "I love you" in
a week.

Send this page to 40 people if you want your love to say "I love you" to
you in 24 hours!






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Ankita










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Women are always Clever




Women are always Clever



Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Mental Hospital."



Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"

Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."



Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."



Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"

Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"



Man: "Your place or mine?"

Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."



Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."



Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."



Man: "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman: "I'm a female impersonator. "



Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Woman: "Then please leave me alone."



Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."



Man: "I can tell that you want me."

Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."



Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"

Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."



Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"

Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"



Man: "Your body is like a temple."

Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."



Man: "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."



Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."

Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"





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Sunday, March 29, 2009

God loves you

Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.

You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.


I want to ask you please to keep,
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.


Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.


I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.


Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.


So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You, too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!


Send this to all your friends and family. Including the person who sent
it to you ... Anyone that you love and care about. Let them know God is
there for them always even when everyone else has betrayed you and left
you.



God loves you






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Medical vocabulary by Banta Singh

Banta Singh was preparing for his Medical examination. Following are the
terms taken out of his Medical vocabulary.
ANTIBODY - against everyone
ARTERY - the study of fine paintings
ASPHYXIA - get a "Butt Job"
BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria
BARIUM - What doctors do when patients die.
BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u
CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty
CAUTERIZE - Made eye contact with her
CHRONIC - neck of a crow
COLIC - A sheep dog
COMA - punctuation mark
CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse
CYST - short for sister
D & C - Where Washington is.
DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose
DILATE - the late British princess
DISLOCATION - in this place
DUODENUM - couple in jeans
ENEMA - not a friend
FALSE LABOR - pretending to work
FECES - nasty countenance
FESTER - Quicker than someone else
FIBULA - A small lie
GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl
GENES - blue denim
GENITAL - Non-Jewish person
G.I. SERIES - World Series of military baseball
GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile
HANGNAIL - What you hang your coat on
HERNIA - she is close by
HYMEN - greeting to several males
IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known
LABOR PAIN - hurt at work
LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot
LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss
LYMPH - walk unsteadily
MEDICAL STAFF - A Doctor's cane
MENOPAUSE - I no wait
MICROBES - small dressing gowns
MORBID - A higher offer than I bid
NITRATES - Cheaper than day rates
NODE - Was aware of
OBESITY - city of Obese
OUTPATIENT - A person who has fainted
PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
PAP SMEAR - A fatherhood test
PELVIS - Second cousin to Elvis
POST OPERATIVE - A letter carrier
PROTEIN - in favour of teens
PULSE - grain PUS - small cat
RECOVERY ROOM - Place to do upholstery
RECTUM - Darn near killed him
RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
RUPTURE - ecstasy
SECRETION - hiding anything
SEIZURE - Roman emperor
SEMEN - sailors
SERUM - sailors drink
SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough
SUTURE - Gujarati for "what do you want"
TABLET - small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS - Getting sick at the Bus Station
TUMOR - More than one
URINE - Opposite of you're out
VARICOSE - Near by/close by
VEIN - Conceited






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WHAT WOMEN WANT‏









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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Jokes


You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead."

==================

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other
person has, you wish you had ordered that!

==================

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women
replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

=================

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool
when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice."

=================

The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've
found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you
want from me, sympathy?"

=================

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge
than to let her keep him.

=================

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat
elsewhere.

=================

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

=================

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

=================

Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some countries a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every
country, son.

=================

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; and by then it was too late."

=================

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

=================

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

=================

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.

=================

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.

=================

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go
out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

=================

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around
the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

===============

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
girlfriends.

===============

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get
your laundry done for free.

================

The most effective way to remember your wife's or girlfriend's
birthday is to forget it once.

================

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.

================

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're
lucky, mine's still alive.
>







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Test ur'self



Here is a very simple little test comprising of four questions to determine
the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate,
with no deliberating or wasting time. And no cheating. Marks, set....GO!!!

1: You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner lying in second
place. In which position are you now?

Answer: If you answered that you're now coming first then you're completely
wrong. You overtook the second runner and took their place, therefore you're
coming second.

For the next question try not to be so dim.

2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?

Answer: If you answered second-last, once again you're completely wrong.
Think about it...How can you over take the person coming last? If you're
behind them then they can't be last. The answer is impossible!!

It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points. You would
make a good weakest link!!! Anyway, here's another to try, don't take any
notes or use a calculator, and remember your replies must be instantaneous.

Take heart!! (that was the dictionary's suggestion)

3: Take 1000. Add 40.
Add another 1000.
Add 30.
1000 again.
Plus 20.
Plus 1000.
And plus 10.
What is the total ?
scroll down....










Answer:
5000??? Wrong again!!!!
The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a good calculator.

Today is clearly not your day!! Although you should manage to get the last
question right...

4: Marie's father has five daughters:
1. Chacha
2. Cheche
3. Chichi
4. Chocho
5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?
Think quickly...you'll find the answer below... scroll down......

Answer: Chuchu??? WRONG!!!!!

It's obviously Marie!!! Read the question properly!!!!!

You are clearly the weakest link....GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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Friday, March 27, 2009

Sardar Jokes

Balvinder Singh sees lot of guys running on the
highway.
Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing
what
they are doing.
The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Jugnu Singh: What do they get from that?
Bystander: The winner will get a prize.
Jugnu Singh: Then why are the others running?!



**********************************************************************

Jugnu Singh and an American were walking
outside
whenthe American said"Oh, look at the
dead bird."
Jugnu Singh looked towards the sky and said
"Where,
where?"


**********************************************************************

Jugnu Singh: I was born in the Punjab.
Balvinder Singh: Oh really, which part?
Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly.


**********************************************************************

Balvinder : What is ANOTHER difference between
a
MOSQUITO
and a FLY?
Jugnu : A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot
MOSQUITO!


**********************************************************************

Jugnu : Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can
thinkof..
Balvinder: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.



**********************************************************************
Q: How can you recognize Jugnu Singh in a
submarine?
A: He is the one with the parachute on his
back.

**********************************************************************
Jugnu Singh got up in the middle of the night
to
answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. I am Balvinder calling,
sorry to
have woken you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to
answer
the telephone anyway."


**********************************************************************

Jugnu Singh with two red ears went to his
doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his
ears
and
he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the
phone
rang but
instead of picking up the phone I accidentally
picked up
the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But...what happened to your other ear?"
"That fellow called back."


**********************************************************************

Q: Why did the Balvinder Singh take a pair of
binoculars
with
him to a funeral?
A: It was a distant relative's funeral


**********************************************************************

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going
on a
busy street.
All the sardars in the funeral are dancing the
bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle'
is on.
The people on the street find it strange that
instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as
if
its
a marriage baarat. So one of them asks Jugnu
Singh,
"Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai
aur
aap naach raheho?"
..... comes the reply, "Haan ji ! Hai hi baat
bade
khushi ki !!!
Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se
mara hai
!!!!"






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